jenni's blog

Though I have so many things plaguing my mind lately, I'm able to not let it stress me over. I believe that Jesus will get me through this. He's given me enough reasons to remain strong. I know he will take care of me.

Instead of stressing, I should really be enjoying life and all that He's given me plus more. Lord, I am so grateful and so happy, thank you so much for answering my prayers. Remember all those nights hehe, I told you that it would be the best Christmas plus birthday present I will ever receive and now this baby is coming. I'm so excited to know the gender of this bundle of joy that's to come! I'm just so ecstatic, thankful, and happy!!! Please take care of my family dear Jesus, and guide my sister to a healthy delivery. I cannot wait to meet this baby Best Friend, thank you so much!!!

And speaking of presents, you felt the need and gave me another wonderful blessing in my life. Someone to learn from and be happy, teary, sad, and excited with. Always with an ear to listen, who knows just what to say to make me feel loved and happy through whatever. And I forgot, someone to argue with so I never get bored...ever lol. I Love him Jesus, thank you! I've always placed everything in your hands to protect, so please guide our relationship forever.

Goodnight Jesus, I LOVE YOU! :)

i will be here...

 

There's no room for even small mistakes.

People shouldn't make other people feel stupid or dumb, especially if its someone they care about.

Dear Jesus,

I don't know Jesus. I feel like I'm in a relationship put on hold. If I was to lose my relationship tomorrow... I don't want to find myself asking you in the bathroom, why? I'll cry.

Maybe I am bitter, because I can see his relationship with her is so tremendously important to him, exceeding ours. But its not all selfishness on my part. I'm bitter cause he's doing everything. I wish she would do something too. Save your bestfriend relationship please. Make him feel better too.

And I wish he could understand my position in the situation between his cousin and mine. Jesus, I believe she was lied to. And I feel bad for her, because to one day just receive hate messages with mean messages. I'd feel angry and definitely hurt as well, even if I know it wasn't true I'd feel bad too Jesus, especially if  I'm not sure if my bestfriend/cousin might have heard about it and believed the accusation. Sigh.. On friday she will be relieved to know that her cousin defended her and protected her.  I do believe that she was telling the truth about being lied to but to clear everything up I didn't hurt my cousin for her, and I didn't just believe her because of my bf. Ugh, I hurt May**h uintentionally already, that hurt me too.

As for me. I'm grateful I have been forgiven by my cousin when I expressed my opinion. But right now I realize that that was my mistake. I should've just kept that to myself. It hurts me too that all the blame seems like its being shifted to my cousin. She did something wrong, I know that. But she obviously shouldn't be blamed for everything. I hope that my bf's cousin relays to him that my cousin did apologize after sending that message, she was lied to and cheated on and she was angry, frustrated and hurt, that shouldn' be an excuse but maybe they'll find it in their hearts to understand her. I just hate for my cousin to seem only as a ridiculous and psycho girlfriend. She was threatened obviously... and for good reasons. Yes she wrote a letter that she shouldn't have written, but the message was obviously ignored, because if it wasn't... what went down last summer wouldn't have happened. And I am truly disappointed that it had to happen to this day because even my relationship is being affected.

As for our relationship. I'll find out after he fixes his relationship with his bestfriend. I'm scared that in the future, I'll always be wrong if it involves his family and me. Not that I plan to get in the way, but I don't want to end up like that. I know I was wrong for being upset tonight, but I'm just scared I guess and I didn't know how to tell him. I am sorry, family first I get it. I didn't mean to get in the way, it wasn't my intention. Anyway maybe I'm just complicated, but I am only human.  

Anyway that's all Jesus. 

:)

So I haven't been blogging but I have some good stuff to share.

 

First of all, days ago I had a facetime date with my boyfriend to celebrate out 6th monthsary of being together. We just ate together, talked, and watched a movie. I love him so much and I've just been blessed to have him in my life. Thank you Jesus. 

Second of all, I was able to pass with a grade of 95 for my first speech in my public speaking class. I was so nervous and I can't my presentation was better anyone else's, sadly hehe but Im so happy I got a good grade. I love that my boyfriend was very helpful to me during that time. I really appreciate that.

I'm going to do my graduation application next week for fall. I'm going to be sitting down with an adviser to see if I can graduate with two associate degrees.

 

God will provide for me. :)

 

Also, I just finish ordering two things from yesstyle.com. Thank you Jesus! And I just want to post pics of what I bought. It was my first time shopping from there.

 I just they were cute. Hehe :)

:(

My body is so exhausted. I have not had a day off in a while. And on top of that ever since yesterday I've just been feeling lonely. Sigh. I'm lonely. :(

..

Jesus, my blog is useless for its full of vague messages... because for the most part I only expect you to understand everything I pour out here.

Am I wrong to feel this disturbed about it? Maybe because the person who confided in me is a strong person and I'm not seeing her break down and reveal her weakness in front of me or maybe its because what led me to discover about this appalling information is through a social network I don't have a lot of respect for. I don't need to hear the words to confirm that it might be a facade, I should already know it.

How could it happen? I really couldn't believe the words I was reading as it registered in my brain. It seems so unthinkable yet its fact. Anger came first. And then it hit me, I am so disgusted by the thought of it. I felt sympathetic, repulsed, indignant, and I became emotional. I realized that I could use all the bad words to describe that other person involved, but the feeling I get by the thought of that other person committing such act is indescribable. Maybe right now I'm being too much, but I am highly disturbed by all of this. I have never felt so uncomfortable and anxious just hearing her say that word.

Happy Fourth Monthsary.

I Love You.

What am I not saying?

Even when you've been busy I am happy. Eversince you told me to just think about how you love me. It was enough. That was all I needed to know.

I love you too. And that's everything you need to know. There are no codes. There never were any. No other feelings but that.

Also I'm not your ex-girlfriend. I don't want to be her and I never will be her. we argue but Babe so what? We can and we do. We don't have to. All I'm saying is that if we do then we do. We learn, we understand, we grow. Plus we make up. Babe, I don't want to argue to win, I do because I need you to please listen. And I will do the same.

-jenni

Sigh..

..give me a reason
to keep believing
you're worth waiting
to let in..
-jenni

edit-
..give me a reason
to keep believing.
That you won't neglect me,
because I thought that's what you said.
-jeni